B i t e s i z e   C h u n k s

When I was in labor 6 years ago I felt sick, and told the nurse "I got to puke!" She gave me this little barf bucket. I told her "no I need the trash can, I'll puke all over you" She said "Oh this will work fine, go for it hon." Soooooo, I puked all right! All over her hands, arms, down the front of her scrubs and on her shoes! She thought it was funny. I thought it was sick. But thanks to vomiting, I gave birth 20 minutes later! :)
Amanda & Mike Hart

At a party at Ohio Northern University, I was hitting on a chick that had been drinking my special week-old harry buffalo mix. Suddenly, she had to yak, and did it in the nearest receptacle, which happened to be a potato chip bag. Needless to say, she didn't seem so elegant after that. About five minutes later, a friend was French kissing her. I got it all on video tape too.
Troy Leffler

A few years ago, an old friend was in town so we decided to go out drinking. I didn't realize how much I had to drink until the next day, when I found "recycled" hot wings, cranberry vodka, dark beer, and white zinfindel in a basket full of clean white laundry next to my bed. I dumped it all in the bathtub and went back to sleep.
Troy Leffler

My brother and I were at an amusement park that had one of those big I-Max screens. That day they happened to be playing a film about aviation which showed really cool shots of planes from the cockpit. Well, about five minutes in, my brother turns to me and says that he feels sick, about ten seconds later he throws up all over himself, the theater, and I think the shoes of the guy behind us. As we were walking out, I heard the guy behind us say that someone spilled something on the floor. If he only knew how right he was...
Ben Udkow
www.netcom.com/~udkow/useless_as_hell.html

I took my older brother to the Show Bar where he had about 14 drinks. On the way home he puked about three times out the car window, half of which came back and hit me in the eye while driving. Patrick

When I was younger, I slept on the top bunk bed, and my brother on the perpendicular bunk bed below. One night, I woke up sick but was too lazy to get up, so I leaned over and puked all over my brother. (Who, incidentally, was later peed on by my other brother in a similar situation!) John Doe

"In the summer of 1985 my friend and I had 3 double screwdrivers each and then went to the ocean with our mothers. As I lay in the sun, a sudden wave of nausea came over me. I dug a hole in the sand. As I began to fill it, my friend tried to convince our mothers that I had sunstroke."
Laura B., Forest Hills, NY

"My husband woke up in a hotel room, found two small piles on either side of the bed, and wondered "who came in and did this?"
Cyd G., Stamford, CT

"On a sleepaway camp trip to an amusement park, (age 9) I was on a ferris wheel and blew chow on the people riding below me."
Mitch L., NYC

"A friend and I drank a bottle of Mescal tequila together and split the worm. After hallucinating for a while, I proceeded to puke, (worm and all), and dry- heave for the next 3 days.
Sandi M., Yorktown Heights, NY

"After drinking tequila one night, I somehow ended up at my girlfriend's house with puke all over myself and on her parent's expensive white couch. (Her parents branded me as a bad influence on her. I can't imagine why).
Sandi M., Yorktown Heights, NY

"I disgraced myself on the ferry to Burlington, Vermont (age 12), ruined all my clothes and had to be reclothed from Woolworth's."
Ann N., Mt. Kisco, NY

"I threw up spaghetti and red wine all over everyone's coats in the back room at Teen Club."
John P., New City, NY

"I threw up on a plate glass window in a crowded restaurant, causing the people outside on the sidewalk to jump back into the street. The restaurant immediately grew quiet as a friend escorted me out. I didn't go back for one year."
Derek B., NYC

"I was in the first grade sitting at my desk waiting patiently for the teacher to hand back my test when I felt a slight case of nausea being sweep over me. Frantic, I didn't know what to do. The teacher gave me my E paper back as I began to hear a slight buzzing noise in my ears. The next thing I knew I was spewing all over my test and myself. I ran to the bathroom with liquid stomach leaving a trail behind me. I was sent to the office and had to wait there, with vomit all over my clothes, until my mother came to pick me up."
Amber Belveny, Pgh., PA

"Once when I was about twelve or thirteen, I drank the better part of a bottle of wine and an entire large bag of chips and dip. It was Christmas, and I was sleeping on the top bunk of my brother's bunk beds. In the middle of the night, I woke up and tossed my cookies. I didn't have time to move, just leaned over the side and threw up. It hit the floor and splattered all over the place and right across the room. Then, because my mother pukes at the sight of puke and my father was somewhat hung over himself, I had to clean it up myself. It had splattered all the way across the room and even into the closet. I puked again and then had the dry heaves for several hours afterwards."
deezy

"While a wee tyke, I was sent to the doctor with a severely sore throat. She sat in front of me, told me to open my mouth and tried to take a culture by swabbing the back of my throat with a cotton-tipped dealie. The gag reflex kicked in, but I managed to choke down the bile and say, "Don't do that. It'll make me sick." "No, it won't," said the good doctor, jamming the swab back past my uvula. I vomited all over the front of her smock, and boy, was she pissed off. It's not like I didn't warn her."
Michael Berry

"I was sick in the 5th grade and the nurse was busy, so I threw up in the principal's office while waiting."
Cindy C., NYC

"My first week of college, I downed a bottle of Southern Comfort followed by beer chasers. I later passed out on the floor of my dorm room in a pool of my own vomit -- and slept there all night."
Mitch L., NYC

"I threw up an entire Sizzler salad bar binge after eating botched chicken noodle soup. Another time at a high school dance, I vomited on my left rear tire after eating fish with almonds, and a half quart of vodka."
Tony W., NYC

"As a freshman at Indiana University, I was attending a 7 a.m. Latin class. The general drill was for the instuctor to have us each translate a paragraph or two of the assigned text. I was coming down with the flu (which I was unaware of when class started). As the class progressed, I began to feel more and more queasy, but thought that I'd ride it out until class was over. As we got down to the last 5 minutes, I was attempting all sorts of mind-over-matter tricks to keep from ralphing. Finally, as one of the other students finished up his translation from some obscure Roman poet, I could hold it no longer. I got up, ran for the doorway, and blew chow very loudly right in the hallway. A classmate told me later that the instructor turned to the student who had just finished translating, and very calmly said, 'Gosh Mr. Smith, I didn't think your translation was THAT bad.'"
MK -- Indiana

"From past experience I was aware I couldn't drink any liquor without a chaser, especially tequila. But for some reason my ego kicked in when dared one night by a friend to down a couple of straight tequila shots. I immediately felt that familiar uncontrollable watering of the mouth and eyes, and proceeded to hurl all over the front porch of his house. The worst part of it was that I had forgotten that I had had Ramen noodles and sardines for dinner a few hours before. Yech!"
Jeff Wright

"I threw up 2 hotdogs with red wine. I threw up an entire Thanksgiving meal after I followed it with 3 cups of coffee."
Cheryl T., New Rochelle, NY

"I threw up on a couch at the ZBT sorority house and continued sleeping there in it. They eventually burned the couch.
Cindy C., NYC

"After having mixed a variety of alcohol combined with many M&Ms, I threw up 7 times while laying on the hood of a Toyota. When I got home, I threw up some more and passed out in the bathroom."
Michelle Z., Fort Lee, N.J.

"I threw up on my feet in the lunchroom and the entire 3rd grade class was there."
Michelle N., White Plains, NY

"When I was 2, my newborn sister threw up. I sat there, mouth agape, as she blew chow in my mouth."
Jamie B., Brooklyn, NY

"In high school, the coolest guy in school asked me out on a date. We got into his brand new gold Camaro and drove to a party where I drank lots of peppermint schnaps. I threw up in the inside of his new Camaro all the way home. He never called again."
Jannis M., Elmsford, NY

"I was playing airplane with my 1 year old nephew. I guess his stomach did not agree with the "G" forces he was experiencing. When I stopped, he looked at me, smiled, and spewed white chunky acid all over me."
Steve C., Danbury, CT

"My mother made these gross stuffed peppers when I was young, and I barfed them up like crazy. Several years later, she made them again. I thought I was sufficiently over it and could eat them again. I did, and promptly threw up. To this day, all someone has to say is "stuffed peppers" and I get the dry heaves."
Cheryl T., New Rochelle, NY

"When I was in high school, I played a wicked game of pool. The basic rule was you miss a shot, you do a shot. I'm a pretty good pool player, but after 3 or 4 shots of Southern Comfort, how do you think you would play? After consuming the entire bottle, I got violently ill and swore off alcohol forever! (which lasted approximately 2 days)."
Diana D., Elmsford, NY

Copyright 1996 Mitch Lemus